ULYSSES AND THE SIRENS - I can’t even hear you

Following Circe’s directions, Ulysses reaches the Underworld and its lord Hades, where the dead are given lots of different food, hams, wieners, cheeses, wine, honey and two lambs that are lying around and are slaughtered on the spot. There he sees Achilles, Agamemnon and other guys from his platoon in Troy and the whole thing turns into a beer commercial without the beer. They start reminiscing and just as he is about to tell them about the prank they played on the Trojans with the horse, Tiresias comes along, a little perturbed after his afternoon siesta.

Ulysses asks him the way to Ithaca and Tiresias replies “dude, you’re in trouble because you blinded Polyphemus and Poseidon is on the lookout for you, but if you don’t hurt the oxen you see on the island of the sun god, you’re golden, and one day you’ll reach Ithaca”.

Our boys set off and once they are in open sea, they hear a song from afar; an enchanting melody more addictive than ‘Papi Chulo’ and all the crew starts to feel an irresistible urge to get on the dance floor to twerk, to whip and do a bit of nae nae. “I know those birds, don’t fall for it, boys”, says Ulysses, “Circe gave me the low-down on them”.

So, following Circe’s instructions, all of the crew shove wax in their ears to block out the sound of ‘Papi Chulo’ and tie Ulysses to the mast. He gives them clear orders “the more I scream, the tighter you make the ropes”. Rumor has it that this is the first instance of BDSM, however they manage to escape the Sirens and thanks to a clause in their contract that “if one ship gets away, Circe will turn to stone’, a passage opens so that the next ships can sail through and this has helped not only the shipping industry, but tourism as well.